I heard it often in the middle of conflict casework – “Why should I forgive them – after what they have done?’
Good question to discuss – because it reveals a huge hurdle to people being reconciled to God (which is primary in the whole process) and then to others. It is where people get “stuck”.
Yet we all learned to recite this in the Lord’s prayer…
And forgive us our debts,
As we also have forgiven our debtors. (Matthew 6:12)
Debts? I checked the definition against Luke 11:4 where it makes it clear the reference is to “moral debts”, i.e. sins.
As Henry Blackaby has clearly laid out in his teachings, “the problem is that we seek changes by our own will”. And that means it is impossible … willpower alone just won’t cut it. Even Paul, author of so much Scripture, admitted “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” (Romans 7:15) Boy, do I relate to that one!
But Blackaby leads us to the key—we try to do it by our own will “….rather than turning our lives over in faith to the One who has given us new life.”
We can confirm that with 2 Corinthians 5:17 – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!”
And that is the great news – that is what empowers us to get over the hurdle.
In the moment of your salvation, every sin you ever committed is forgiven. Healing of every hurt is available. Love and acceptance are yours despite every failure you experienced – your past, no matter how difficult or painful, is completely and thoroughly forgiven.
So the question for those facing the hurdle is “Whom will you believe?” – the profound testimony of Scripture is that the blood of Jesus Christ and the death of the Son of God is sufficient to completely free you from your sin. Satan will seek to convince you that it is not.
As Brian Noble, CEO of Peacemaker Ministries, has so aptly expressed it – “Let Jesus come into your conflict, into your response, into your words, and into your thoughts. He promises freedom from your conflict even if you are still in the chains of tension.”
And that includes even situations involving abuse and trauma. “…forgiveness of an offender does not deny the seriousness of the offense ….” Diane Langberg, Christian psychologist and author has written much and spoken about how to protect those victims as they go through healing.
As a trauma victim shared, though, “a supernatural outcome requires supernatural means. When we cannot accept that our offender deserves to be let off with forgiveness, ask the Holy Spirit to help you overcome. Rely on Him and surrender your inability to forgive.”
What she expressed so well was how an unforgiving spirit “is a weed that saps our strength and drains life out of our souls. It wears on us physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. However, so often we still choose bitterness over forgiveness, and so fertilize these weeds that end up choking us.”
So it really is for our benefit that Paul reminded us to “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13b
Best illustration ever (from Brian Noble again) is this imaginary dialogue:
God the Father: Come now.
You: Where are we going?
God the Father: Sit down here.
You: Here?
God the Father: Yes. Let’s talk.
You: But wait, wait! I’m not clean. I have sinned.
God the Father: Yes, I know. I’ve got that covered.
You: Covered?
God the Father: Yes, I have taken care of your sin through my Jesus, my son.
You: But you don’t get it. I am very sinful.
God the Father: Despite that, your sin will be as white as snow.
The answer to our question “Why Forgive?” – Because forgiven people forgive.
