What the heck is a reprover?
And why am I implying everyone needs one?
Good questions – same ones I had as I read Brian Noble’s devotional from “Daily Wisdom for Peacemaking”. His scripture from Proverbs seemed rather obscure to me:
“Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.” Proverbs 25:12
OK – if you are like me, you took quick note of the promise of this being like gold which is a valuable commodity today. In fact, we are being told daily (via ads everywhere) to put some of our cash stash in gold because of it’s value both now and over time.
But define that “reprover” thing.
A good tip is to look at other versions of the Bible (as Brian noted) to see how those tenth century B.C. words were translated:
And a wise friend’s timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger. (MSG)
To one who listens, valid criticism is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry. (NLT)
So there it is – a reprover – a friend who is truly a friend and is willing to lovingly speak truth to you. As Brian explains, they give you heartfelt counsel. And I would add – biblical counsel.
Even Merriam-Webster gets a close definition of “reprover” – “to scold or correct usually gently or with kindly intent”.
As I have shared, I am still actively doing Christian mediation and arbitration work. What I have learned over the years is to ask parties to come to the mediation with a “spiritual advisor”. How do I define that to the party (because they pick their own person)?
I explain that this would be a spiritually mature person to whom you would go for insight or advice and they would lead you to Godly counsel, biblical wisdom – yet they are the friend who is willing to tell you the hard truth. And you can trust them to do that because they care about you.
In fact, a recent relationship mediation that I did demonstrated (again) what a wonderful gift the spiritual advisors were to their parties. They were wise, caring, insightful advisors. While they don’t speak during the mediation, they do speak privately at any time they wish with their person. And when we have private meetings, I ask them first “how’s it going? What do you see happening?” and I get wonderful insight almost all the time. Sometimes, things I totally missed!
Why do we need them?
Because mediation is a highly emotional time and we, as guided by our sinful human nature, “run from this type of interaction” as Brian puts it. He noted that we all have blind spots. Love his point – “The only way we can learn about our blind spots is by allowing someone else to tell us what they are seeing.”
Oh, yes, do I know the resistance we all have! You see, as a Certified Christian ConciliatorTM I have a standard of conduct which I need to follow. And that includes:
The Christian conciliator shall encourage the parties to frankly evaluate his or her performance as a conciliator.
My finger hovers over that “send” button with a fair amount of dread when I am finished with a conciliation (even with a glorious result for the parties) and I need to send out the request for them to answer and return the 3 evaluation questions.
And that is despite the fact I know I have received wonderful “nuggets” of helpful information and been made aware of some really good things I could add to my process. No matter, I am frankly frightened at getting a negative response! (I think that is called “fear of man” in the list of idols we can worship more than we wish we did)
So let me offer you (and me) Brian’s wonderful counsel on this – he states it so well. “The more we admire humility and move toward it in our lives, the less we will be offended by correction.” OK, maybe more than just “admire”, I need to consciously ask the Lord to instill that respect and desire for humility in me.
Do you have the same fear pop up that I do? “What’s He going to do to me that will humble me?” – YIKES, who wants to think about that? Yes, I will eventually settle down and agree with the Lord that He knows best and it will all be for my benefit.
One of the things I love about Brian’s devotional is that he gives you a “start” for a prayer on the topic he has addressed. In this instance, it is wonderful…
Lord, I admit that I have not welcomed constructive criticism from others. I confess that this is pride, and I want to change. Bring me a friend who is willing to speak the truth in love to me, and help me to be the same kind of friend…(Continue praying.)
Oh, you know what I am going to say next, right? And yes, I am answering these myself.
How do you handle correction? Who do you have in your life who will correct you? ….gently speak truth into your life?
I think I could pray Brian’s prayer daily – yep, that’s going on my “list”.
