Throughout the years of doing Christian mediations and coaching people in conflict, I have been amazed at the power of the words often at the core of the struggle and hurt. So when I heard Tim Keller’s podcast on the power of words, I loved how he handled the whole topic.
I did this blog on the topic a few years ago – given the heated “words” I have been hearing nationwide as we went through the recent election…. AND given the continued popping up of “words” that damage and destroy relationships…. I am convicted that I need to repeat this lesson for myself multiple times per year.
I can only give you the highlights and implore you to go listen to his practical “words” sharing as only Tim Keller can share it – so clearly – the key found in James 3:1-18: The tongue is a small part of the body but….no man can tame the tongue.
This passage is all about how the gospel affects your speech, your words, your tongue. And here is the point – look at what is on your tongue and you will learn an awfully lot about your heart. That is consistently my goal as I listened to people in conflict – it is a goal of guiding them to discover this truth for themselves.
Yep, I am slowly learning that “telling” people what their problem is just DOES – NOT – WORK – WELL. It takes a bit more work, but I need to ask questions and guide them on the search inside themselves.
Words make or break self-image, make or break a community…a government…a marriage. Words have power. Just think about the illustration in these verses of how a small rudder can turn a whole ship….a small bit can control a big horse.
And Keller makes the point that there are 2 basic categories of poisonous words – untruthful or unloving. Ephesians 4:15 talks about speaking the truth in love.
Consider….
- Unloving truthful words aren’t really in the end committed to the truth
- Cowardly silence isn’t either (not loving or truthful) – when you should speak up
- Love without truth is a lie
- Truth without love is not really committed to truth
Only when words are both truthful and loving at the same time are they life-giving.
So – what is the answer? Tim Keller says the ‘healing’ of words is complicated and here is why. James 3:1-3 says that if you control the tongue, you control the whole body. In other words, if you get control of what you say, it will affect your whole life. And that is encouraging…..
But ultimately, it is your heart that controls your tongue. More than once scripture states that out of what fills the heart the mouth speaks.
So that is where we spend much or our time in a reconciliation process – drilling down to the heart condition which produced the hurtful words. Identify heart issues and idols and you can get on the road to healing.
In his podcast, Tim Keller provided a great assignment – he took it from a training which proposed the listeners for one week “do not boast or defend yourself and never speak negatively or gossip about someone”.
That takes some very “deliberate concentration” on your task, trust me!
Keller narrowed it to just one morning, 9 to noon, try it! You will be surprised at how much pride, insecurity and overall ego you hear, but especially how unloving your words are as you become aware of your speech. As he said, this exercise is frightening but important.
Here’s the strategy – get control of your tongue in order to get control of your heart….and more fundamentally, fill the heart with something new that will affect your tongue. These two parts are complimentary strategies that truly work.
Do you realize what your unguarded words are telling about your heart? What task could be more important as we enter into a season of Thanksgiving and celebration of Christ’s birth?
Of course, you need to know I am talking to myself just as hard as I am sharing with you! Let’s “do not boast or defend ourselves and never speak negatively or gossip about someone” – I am going to stretch my testing time to a full day. How about you?
