I struggled to make the 2 messages Henry Blackaby delivered fit together and provide me with a biblical truth with regard to helping friends.
First, Blackaby said something I hear from him often – “God has put people around you who need your ministry to them.”
OK, I can accept that.
He goes on to use Moses as the demonstrator of the problem encountered when we concentrate on people’s weaknesses, their disobedience, their lack of faith, and their stubbornness. That will quickly frustrate us and we would be like Moses when he, in anger at the Israelites for their irreverence and sinful attitude toward God, shifted his attention to the behavior of others rather than focusing on the activity of God. He struck the rock to get water for the grumbling Israelites rather than speaking to the rock as God had instructed. That opened Moses to committing the very same sin – disobedience of God’s commands.
However, as Blackaby directs us to fix our eyes on holy God, Blackaby indicates we will become more like Him – that is, gracious, forgiving, long-suffering, and righteous. His statement is that then we go to the Lord, we should seek to discern what God is wanting to do in our friend’s life rather than concentrating on their sin. Then we will have the strength, wisdom and patience needed to help our friend in the way God desires.
That all set well and good with me, until the next day’s devo where Blackaby is focused on Proverbs 27:6. “The wounds of a friend are trustworthy but the kisses of any enemy are excessive.” Blackaby is pointing out that Jesus never gave relief to people who were under conviction (like Zacchaeus who was in remorse for his sin and planned for restitution).
As demonstration, Blackaby says we never find Jesus saying “Well, that’s all right. I know I’m asking you to believe a lot, and that’s not easy.” On the contrary, Jesus was quick to chastise His disciples when they failed to believe Him. Jesus loved His friends too much to condone or comfort them in their sin.
Blackaby actually says we can “be too gentle” with our friends. When that friend is under deep conviction by the Holy Spirit, we should not try to ease the discomfort of them as the Holy Spirit is making them uncomfortable. In fact, he warns us to be careful not to communicate to our friends that we find their lack of faith acceptable. He states we “are not acting in true friendship” if we condone disobedience or even if we look the other way. Going even further, he says that if we see our friends in danger and do not warn them, God will hold us accountable for our silence. (Ezekiel 33:6)
So I am struggling – which is it? Are we to be not concentrating on our friend’s weaknesses and disobedience but instead be gracious and forgiving? Or are we to love them enough to not be too gentle with them thereby condoning disobedience?
It took several passes with my questioning and prayer for understanding for me to land in a place of peace. Key in both of Blackaby’s devotionals was the point he made when he said “you will never be able to properly help them [friends], however, unless your primary focus is on God.”
I realized I was once again looking for the easy 1-2-3 answer for steps in how to be there for my friends. It truly comes down to that old “lawyer” answer – “It depends”. What does it depend upon? What God is doing in our friend’s life!
So what is my part? Stay focused on the Lord and what He is doing in the situation. Oh, yes, I know that is much harder, but it is the only answer, I believe. Only the Lord knows the heart of our friends, knows the needs of our friends, and knows what is the best response and assistance we can be in their present situation. I have to stay so close to the Lord, and seeking Him, that His communication to me of what my part is will be clear before I can act in a ministering way with my friends.
Yes, a closer walk with the Lord is required. Is that song “Just a Closer Walk With Thee” ringing in your ears, too? I hope this struggle of mine has been of assistance. I sure needed to wrestle with it!
