The path is all too familiar to me, I realize as I hang my head. Henry Blackaby brought me to recognize a pattern, and result, that I really didn’t understand and was allowing to keep me far too consumed with my failures.
Here’s his opening scripture: “For godly grief produces a repentance not to be regretted and leading to salvation, but worldly grief produces death.” 2 Corinthians 7:10
I would race by this scripture with an “oh, yeah, I know I really messed up and I feel horrible, so that must be the godly grief I need to feel.” And I would utter my repentance and I may really be upset at the pain I caused by my failure and genuinely sorry about it all. Then the consequences keep coming because they don’t just magically disappear with my apology to the Lord.
As Blackaby pointed out, thanks to those darn consequences, my mind becomes consumed by my failure and offense against God and others. Judas’ betrayal of Jesus brought him this kind of sorrow but he did not seek repentance and restoration to Christ and his fellow disciples – instead, it led him to go off alone in anguish and take his own life.
Contrast Peter’s sorrow when he denied Jesus on the night of his crucifixion. Blackaby describes Peter’s going out alone and weeping bitterly, but also coming back to Jesus and affirming his love for Him. Peter was not only remorseful but he also was repentant – and his life changed from that point on. Blackaby points out that Peter turned his life around and there is no record of Peter ever denying his Lord again.
Here is Blackaby’s lesson which brought me re-examine this scripture and God’s plan for my life as a result. He said “Don’t allow mere unhappiness over what you have done to rob you of genuine repentance. You can be angry with yourself and blame yourself for the sins you have committed, but that is NOT repentance. Allow the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the gravity of your sins. Ask the Spirit to clearly show you how God views your character. When you see your sins from God’s perspective, you will experience godly sorrow.”
I have to sit and soak in that insightful and painful truth – I was consumed with unhappiness about my failures. I think I was inwardly thinking the more I mentally flog myself, the more God would see I was really sorry and I could work my way past the pain. In other words, work my way out of the mess without having to look deeper. Without having to see it all from God’s perspective.
But Blackaby called me up short on that method and I now appreciate it. If I don’t truly own the failure to the level of true repentance for the base reason and heart level failing, I am not from God’s perspective, growing in character from the experience. I am not allowing Him to work in maturing my faith and trust in Him. And that is my base failing for which I must repent, genuinely — not only to those harmed, but to the Lord. It is a humbling and very necessary part of my repentance and restoration to Him. True sorrow.
And yet, Blackaby does not leave me without hope.
He gives me Isaiah 49:15 right when I need it. “Can a woman forget her nursing child, or lack compassion for the child of her womb? Even if these forget, I will not forget you?” It is a scripture that I have marked with a “P” in the margin – that stands for a Promise made by my Lord. As Blackaby puts it, He is more sensitive to the needs of His children than even the most loving mother. He anticipates every cry for help even before we cry out for help. This is one of the most comforting “promises” God has given to us – that He will not forget us.
As Blackaby reminds me: “Don’t let the difficult circumstances you are facing convince you that God has forgotten you.” Don’t ever imagine that God is more concerned with other, more important or more spiritual people than you. Blackaby is so right – I need to be reminded that God loves me like that.
And that is where the Lord wants me – realizing He is there for me. “I keep the Lord in mind always. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 16:8. Isn’t that at the core of my failure?
That I miss how much the Lord truly loves me, anticipates my needs, is there for me, will never forget me, and is “at my right hand”. He just wants me to believe in Him, rest in Him, trust in Him. Why is that so hard?
As Blackaby reminds me, when I choose to focus on Christ, I invite Him to take the most important position in my life, as Counselor and Defender. I need to realize that everything I do is in the context of my relationship to Christ.
What an incredible act of God’s grace that Christ should stand beside me to guide me and counsel me and defend me. Wow! Wrapping my head around that – need to do it daily! How could I ever become dismayed over my situation if I have Christ at my right hand?
May you recognize and bask in the same wonderful grace! My confidence is in Him (not me)!!
