One of the first pieces of information I am searching for when I am walking with people through a conflict is what values and belief systems are in place for them. Essentially, I am looking for what is driving how they view and interact with others in the conflict and others in the world around them.
If they have presented themselves as a Christian or identified that they wanted a Christian mediation or coaching, I still need to know what REALLY are the values and beliefs that are in place for them.
Henry Blackaby, Experiencing God Day by Day, goes to the core of it. He says “knowing God through experience is radically different than knowing about God from a theology textbook.”
I recall a case where a man toward the end of our time together responded to a statement I made in a way that raised a huge ‘red flag’ that said to me ‘this man does NOT REALLY KNOW the Lord’. We finished the main business of our mediation, but the resolution of the marital issues felt pretty tenuous to me. I sensed the wife was also feeling skeptical. But time ran out on us, and we had to stop there.
Sure enough, within a short time, as the couple was going through the membership process of joining a church, a young pastor heard a comment from this man that raised that same ‘red flag’ I had observed. Yes, this man believed himself to be a Christian, was a member of a church in another state, even served as an elder in that church. But when the young pastor asked if he could visit him at home, the man agreed. In that visit, the pastor asked him a straight-forward question about whether he had ever experienced an interaction with the Lord where he accepted Him as Lord and Savior who died for his sins. (I don’t know the actual words, but he issued a one-sentence gospel-oriented inquiry.)
The man seemed a bit surprised, thought a moment, and realized he had not. He then had an excellent discussion and salvation-focused experience of accepting the Lord as His Savior. I was thrilled when he called me a few weeks later and told me he wanted me to be present as he was getting baptized – and the rest of their story is a blessing and a half. He was an on-fire new Christian in his heart, his marriage reflected that and his wife would later say in a conversation with me “thank you for giving me back my husband” – which, of course, we knew was not to be credited to me at all but to the Lord, fully. And yes, they continue to serve in their church and reflect a joy in the Lord that is infectious.
This man “experienced” God – in his heart, in his life, in a radically different way, as Blackaby put it. This man had previously read and heard ‘about’ God, which had been more like following a theology you had been told about or observed in others.
Looking at Jesus’ prayer for us as he was about to face the cross, in John 17:3, is instructive. “This is eternal life: that they may know You, the only true God, and the One You have sent – Jesus Christ.” Blackaby warns us that if we have not experienced God’s power at work in and through our life, we should not settle for a secondhand knowledge of God’s power which we see He has done in others. Jesus’ prayer for us is that we would each come to KNOW God and His presence in our life and experiences.
What experiences? Those that bring us to experience the depth and width and height of His love, God’s full and unending love in the day-to-day experiences of our lives. As Blackaby shares, don’t give up on the promises of God: stay with them until you are fully experiencing them.
It was suggested to me that I should write in the front of my Bible “memorials to God working in my life” – so I did that. I only recorded a few, but they are significant ones (and I need to add more) which are great for me to “run into” as I open my Bible or at times am searching through it for promises and support.
One entry that stands out for me is this one: “7-11-99 preserved my life on Raton Pass as steering went out on the car at 65 mph”.
Yes, the steering pin actually sheered in two and I suddenly found the car drifting downhill across the lane to my left as someone had started to pass me (luckily she put on the brakes as she realized I was drifting across her lane). The steering wheel twirled in my hands totally free-wheeling and not having any connection to where my van was going. My driver’s side slid along the guard rail as I stood on the brakes with both feet.
I finally scraped to a stop, realized I was just past a curve in the highway and cars could come up behind me and not be able to stop, so I needed to get out. I crawled across the debris that had flown forward in the car stopping so hard. I exited via the passenger door. I ran to the side of the road and turned to look at the car. Past the guard rail was a sheer cliff drop off. First words that came to me in my head: “Lord, you aren’t through with me yet!”
To summarize a longer story of my discovery of what impact this had on me, I realized that it was about WHO was going to drive the car, my life – Him or me? I have since driven this highway many times noting the exact place where this sheering off of the steering pin occurred was the safest place possible for this to happen – other places had no guard rail, or straight into a cliff wall or….ok, that’s enough. I just totally realized God was at work and in charge. And I was blessed to be alive.
The ”control” lesson came about as I got the repaired van back and tried to drive – I found I could not turn corners. I would freeze up, unsure that I could trust the steering wheel to turn. I had to pray myself around every corner for a period of time. I did lots of praying and searching. I experienced God’s power at work in and through my life – and most of all, His love and caring for me.
NOW, of course, this week’s focus is on our stories, our life story, our legacy stories which are the subject of Deuteronomy 6:6-7. “These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” When you dig into the verses surrounding this scripture, you see that it is talking about us never forgetting what the Lord has done for us.
You know where I am going! And I am just as guilty as you (ok, most of you, because some may have actually done their work). You have stories, times in your life, some big, some small, but all significant in shaping your “experiencing God” and “knowing God”.
Have you written them down? Is your ‘faith story’ in writing, or even in a video, or audio – but preserved for the generations to come after you? Yes, that is my task and my challenge to you. Not only to make sure those stories are preserved but that they are put in a place that is safe and will be accessible and available to those who come after you.
And “yes”, I am here to help. Just hit reply and tell me what you need – and let’s get it DONE!
