OK, remember “The Fonz”? That’s Fonzie from the TV series “Happy Days”. Never was there a character that was more perfect (in his own mind). He was a 1950’s lovable and almost superhuman greaser who provided us so many laughs.
I actually watched and can visualize this scene as it unfolded – Fonzie whips out his comb from his back pocket (see his left hand) and raises his arm as if to comb his hair. But he stops suddenly – the camera goes to the position of being behind the mirror so you see him full front.
He goes from checking it out with a serious “searching” look to a big grin and shrug like you see here. Without touching a hair, he decided it was perfect and there was nothing more he could do to improve his appearance (or anything else). He was PERFECT!
And then there is Mac Davis singing “It’s Hard to Be Humble” (pull it up on your phone for a full listen). He says he wrote it to describe how it feels to be alone at the top of the hill trying to figure out why.
“Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble
When you’re perfect in every way
I can’t wait to look in the mirror
‘Cause I get better lookin’ each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man
Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble
But I’m doin’ the best that I can……”
Ahhh! TV from the 50’s and songs from the 80’s – and I think we are all still searching for (and validating) PERFECTION.
But “perfection” — I am hearing again and again — is too high a bar. The marketing gurus tell us to just “do it” and “put it out there”, don’t keep tweaking and tinkering to get it perfect.
Psychologists would tell us perfection is an abstraction, an impossibility in reality. And when taken too far, the striving for perfection can lead to negative outcomes. I really agreed with this Psychology Today article that said
“What makes extreme perfectionism so toxic is that while those in its grip desire success, they are most focused on avoiding failure, resulting in a negative orientation. They don’t believe in unconditional love, [but are] expecting others’ affection and approval to be dependent on a flawless performance.”
Trust Henry Blackaby, in his devotional book, to take me right to scripture on that “avoiding failure” issue – and isn’t that a driving force we all face?
He asked a tough question of me – ‘Are you resenting the suffering God allows in your life?’
I try not to answer “yes” but I think back over the past week (didn’t want to face going back much further) and all the hardships, difficulties and problems I encountered and went straight to the “whining” stage in processing them. And I thought about how many of the conversations I had with friends were about “failures” and “hardships” they were suffering.
And then I read today’s entry in Brian Noble’s Daily Wisdom for Peacemaking which reflected exactly how I was responding to my ‘hard times’, except in one aspect:
Consider these things: Why are you suffering? What caused your suffering? Was it something you did wrong? Or are you suffering for doing good? We don’t usually evaluate our suffering we often just try to get out of it quickly.
Definitely relate to that last statement — I just want to “get out of it” quickly!! I was not thinking at all about evaluating whether my suffering was a positive!
Then Blackaby hit me with a scripture and a shocking statement….
“Though He was God’s Son, He learned obedience through what He suffered. After He was perfected, He became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey Him.” Hebrews 5:8-9
“There is a positive aspect to suffering. We all endure suffering to some degree, but the good news is that through it we can become like Jesus,” says Blackaby. OK, I want to be more like Jesus, but….I don’t think I can handle the amount of suffering he did! So what does He really expect from me –a very imperfect human being?
Blackaby’s point was that there are some things that God can build into your life only through suffering. Even Jesus, the sinless Son of God, was complete only after He had endured the suffering His Father had set before Him. Once He had suffered, He was the complete, mature, and perfect Savior through whom an entire world could find salvation.
His point? If you become bitter over your hardships, you close off some parts of your life from God. If you do this, you will never be complete. Some places in your soul can be reached only by suffering.
As his example, he used King Saul who was made king without ever enduring hardship, but he never developed the character or maturity to handle God’s assignment. However, David spent years in suffering and heartache. When he finally ascended the throne, he was a man after God’s own heart.
OK, I get it, there are some things that God can build into your life only through suffering. But it scares me. How much suffering can I handle? This is going to hurt, right?
Blackaby was right there, knowing how I was going to respond. “Don’t resent the suffering God allows in your life. Don’t make all your decisions and invest everything you have into avoiding hardship. God did not spare His own Son. How can we expect Him to spare us? Learn obedience even when it hurts!”
One of my favorite Commentaries (Moody) expressed this point well (because my fear is really making me listen up):
At that time, His divine Sonship did not exempt Him from adversity. Rather, He learned to be even more compassionate as He obeyed the Father’s will and suffered. This does not mean that He did not know what obedience was before the cross, nor does it mean that He disobeyed before He suffered. Through His incarnation, in His human nature, which included suffering and death, Jesus learned experientially the meaning of obedience as a human being in a fallen world.
Well, there I am – a human being – in a fallen world.
Brian Noble’s words help me focus – “The Lord wants us to become zealous for what is good. In suffering, our goal can be to have hearts that honor Jesus.”
Unconditional love is a wonderful medicine for healing – and the Lord has that for me. I need to remember that first and foremost …. and then I go to my life verse which is becoming more important for me to repeat daily. “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8
And for that “fear” that keeps creeping into my thinking – Blackaby encourages me by reminding me that the only fear that God encourages in a Christian’s life is the fear of God (2 Corinthians 5:10-11; Hebrews 10:31). Fear of people does not come from God.
And that is why He gave us the Holy Spirit, to enable us to see things as God sees them.
So let me leave you with the encouragement I received, because fear is no excuse to disobey God. But as God reveals the reality of our situation, He will enable us to continue in obedience. “For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” 2 Timothy 1:7
Praying for us all as we seek and claim that power, love and sound judgment in the coming weeks!
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