How many times have you heard “that’s just the way I am” from someone – or even yourself?
In my mediation work I heard it often. And usually as a tool for justifying a behavior – usually not a behavior that was helpful or kind.
Stifling my “Oh, really?” response with a snarky evaluation of the person’s behavior was my first chore. Yep, that’s the way “I am” – a quick responder with sarcasm lurking in the background. Truly not helpful for a mediator if you want to bring folks to restoring relationships.
Well, here we are in the Springtime, so Henry Blackaby’s devotional was so appropriate as it answered my dilemma of what is to be said INSTEAD of my snarky remark response.
As he put it – “Some things must die in order to be productive. Certain seeds will not germinate into a plant unless they freeze during the winter. Jesus knew that His death would bring salvation to the world.”
It is always the best path to walk Christians back to their roots in order to help them get straight in their present dilemma. And Blackaby’s statement, essentially the Gospel, is the core answer.
But how to get people in tough situations to that place when lots of emotion is exploding and hurts are being aired – that is the dilemma.
One of the biggest struggles we have is that despite the fact that we have become a Christian, and at that very moment our sinful nature died, we still sin. (Romans 6:6 – “For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin –….”)
There remain in us, as Blackaby points out, sinful aspects of our character that have not gone to their graves willingly. Like what?
–before becoming a Christian, were you self-centered? Oops, selfishness may be hanging around…
–did you have a volatile temper? Oops, moments of anger may well up within you…
–were you driven by ambition? Oops, the same motivation may make you strive for recognition and position (even in the kingdom of God)…
–your family may be suffering because there are some areas of your life that you have never allowed Jesus to put to death…
OK – I am sure you can think of a few more beyond these from Blackaby. I certainly can name some of my favs….ugh!
What happens if we allow these sinful attitudes to hang around in our lives? They can really mess us up – our temper may make us a poor witness to others who may be making a decision about Christianity, our selfishness may prevent us from being a blessing to others, our ambition could cause us to use others badly in order to meet our goals – you catch my drift.
As Blackaby points out that for a Christian, it is futile to say “But that’s just the way I am!”. That is the way you were. That person died with Christ and you are a new person (2 Corinthians 5:17 – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”)
So what is the problem?
I find it helpful to think back to the story of Martha and Mary which is found in Luke 10:38. I relate to Martha who opened her home to Jesus and was bustling about doing hospitality work and making the meal preparations – I can just feel the sweat on her brow. And I relate to her being upset with her sister Mary who was sitting at Jesus’ feet listening to what he said. In frustration Martha says to Jesus “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” Right on, I say to Martha.
His answer originally baffled me, and shocked me a bit, when he said “Martha, Martha…you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her.”
Oh, dear, how many times am I in that position? — knocking myself out to do what I think is good and serving the Lord and getting totally frustrated with anyone or anything that is not helping me or getting in my way. And I can argue so well on behalf of my actions – “…we need to eat, don’t we? Or would you just prefer to starve?” – snarky, huh?
Wait a minute – what is that “one thing” that is needed?
My reference section of my Bible sends me to Psalm 27:4. Aha! I have marked this before in the margin of my Bible with the words “my prayer”. Guess I need to be praying it more regularly….
“One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
To gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and seek him in his temple.”
What do I need to remember? That relationship with the Lord is at the core of everything.
And why just “one” thing? That is answered in Luke 16:13 as Jesus shared a parable aimed at the Pharisees who loved money and constantly were sneering at Jesus. He told them:
No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.”
And you would be right to think ‘not just money’ but anything else other than God can become a ‘master’ of us.
So I go back to Blackaby’s summary statement of his whole point – I think I need to cross-stitch this on my pillowcase so I see it every night as I go to bed and every morning as I get up – he is so right:
Allow God to complete His work in you and see what fruit your life produces.
First of all, I need patience. And I need to remember that I am a work in progress. And that I need to keep putting to death those “old” sinful character behaviors that are part of our human nature. And focus on the ONE thing – my relationship with my Savior.
Thanks for tuning in with me as I needed this reminder on my journey – hope it was helpful for you, too.
