“There should be no quarrelsome Christians.”
What? Are you kidding?
Nope, this is a quote from Henry Blackaby – and the non-quote responses were mine as I read it.
Do you have the same reaction? Like, how in the world can I, as a Christian, live up to THAT requirement?
And is that really what the Lord requires?
Well, darn…here is biblical instruction Blackaby brought up in support:
“And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.” 2 Timothy 2:24
Wait a minute. EVERYONE? I have been dealing with people, and yes, primarily Christians, in conflict for over 25 years now. There is no way to just lay down this “must not quarrel” passage in front of some folks with whom I have dealt and expect conflict to immediately cease – just because scripture says so doesn’t cut it.
I then turned to someone who has gone more in depth and spent even more years than I dealing with Christians and conflict — Ken Sande, founder of Peacemaker Ministries and a more recent ministry, Relational Wisdom. In chapter 12 of his seminal book, The Peacemaker, which I have used for years as my manual, is his help in dealing with difficult people.
He correctly reported that some folks readily make peace, but others will be stubborn and defensive and resist our efforts to help them be reconciled. And some even become more antagonistic and find new ways to frustrate or mistreat us. Now those situations are ringing some memory bells for me, for sure.
And he is absolutely right that our natural reaction is to strike back at those who mistreat us, or at least to stop doing anything good to them. However, Ken then points out that Jesus calls us to take a remarkably different course of action than the world suggests. And he added more verses:
But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you…. Luke 6:27-28
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse…. Live in harmony with one another. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends…. Romans 12:14, 16-19
Reflecting on some recent failures of mine in this department, I was looking more for “help” than just being convicted. So, here is my first big item to remember, thanks to Blackaby. When we are in the disagreement with another, he says “it is never helpful to argue. You will never debate anyone into the kingdom of God.” OK, strike that tactic!
More helpful was his suggested action – “If you find yourself often quarreling with others, you need to ask God to clearly reveal your motives and to forgive you for your disobedience to His clear command.”
While I was bristling at his suggestion that I was disobedient, his next words just nailed me. “If your motivation for arguing comes from your desire to be right, or to be exonerated, or to gain the esteem of those listening to you, you are acting selfishly, and God will not honor you. God is not interested in how right you are. He is interested in how obedient you are.”
Yuck – he struck my heart more deeply with his reminder that God’s command is not that I win arguments but that I am kind and forgiving when others mistreat me. Reflecting a Christlike character is what He wants me to demonstrate — patience to those who mistreat me or misunderstand my motives.
Well, now, I need help to actually turn off that steam coming out of my ears and turn around my thinking – and pretty darn quickly. What does that require?
It appears to me that it boils down to one big question I must settle in my mind – can I trust God to take care of this mistreatment, this difficult situation?
Check it out – these are the points that stood out to me as I went further:
- Remember whose I am: Luke 6: 36 says “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” I am totally humbled when I am reminded that Christ died for my sins showing mercy beyond description to me who deserved no mercy, then adopted me and made me His child, even when I was still a sinner by nature. How can I deny that same mercy to others?
- Remember I gently instruct and He does the convicting: After 2 Timothy 2:24 above are verses 25-26 which give me my marching orders. My part is first — “Those who oppose him he must gently instruct † (I put a cross in my bible at this point) in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.” All the actions after the cross I inserted are God’s part – not mine!
- Remember it is God’s to avenge, not me: In Romans 12 where He says to not repay anyone evil for evil, look at the next verses which again describe His part and our part. “Do not take revenge…but leave room for God’s wrath…’It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” v. 19-21
These point to the bottom line for me: God changes hearts, not me. My part is obedience to love and gently instruct.
But if you are like me, I need a strong story to pop up for me when I am trying to remember a point (especially in the midst of feeling so mistreated) – Ken supplied this in his book.
He pointed to Ernest Gordon’s book, To End All Wars. Ken recites the summary this way. Gordon was captured by the Japanese during WWII and forced, with other British prisoners, to endure years of horrible treatment while building the notorious “Railroad of Death” through Thailand. Faced with starvation and disease in the prison camps and the brutality of his captors, who killed hundreds of his comrades, Gordon survived to become an inspiring example of the triumph of Christian love against human evil.
This love shone especially bright one day when Gordon and his fellow prisoners came upon a trainload of wounded Japanese soldiers who were being transported to Bangkok. Here is how Gordon describes God’s work of grace:
They were on their own and without medical care…. Their uniforms were encrusted with mud, blood, and excrement. Their wounds, sorely inflamed and full of pus, crawled with maggots. We could understand now why the Japanese were so cruel to their prisoners. If they didn’t care for their own, why should they care for us?
The wounded men looked at us forlornly as they sat with their heads resting against the carriages waiting fatalistically for death. They were the refuse of war; there was nowhere to go and no one to care for them….
Without a word, most of the officers in my section unbuckled their packs, took out part of their ration and a rag or two, and, with water canteens in their hands went over to the Japanese train to help them. Our guards tried to prevent us…but we ignored them and knelt by the side of the enemy to give them food and water, to clean and bind up their wounds, to smile and say a kind word. Grateful cries of “Aragatto!” (“Thank you!”) followed us when we left….
I regarded my comrades with wonder. Eighteen months ago they would have joined readily in the destruction of our captors had they fallen into their hands. Now these same men were dressing the enemy’s wounds. We had experienced a moment of grace, there in those blood-stained railway cars. God had broken through the barriers of our prejudice and had given us the will to obey his command, “Thou shalt love.”
As we enter a season of remembering the entry of Christ upon this earth to redeem us, may you have comfort in resting on His word that He will change hearts. Our part is to obey His command to love and gently instruct, overcoming evil with good, no matter the circumstances. May this message bring you peace of mind and heart that you can trust the God we celebrate.
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