The Key to Healthy Relationships

P. Brian Noble is an everyday guy who loves Jesus and cares deeply about people’s relationships.  He is the Executive Director/CEO of Peacemaker Ministries and has been an ordained minister for over twenty years.  Brian loves to teach biblical peacemaking and watch the lights come on for participants.

I have benefitted greatly from his 365-day devotional titled “Daily Wisdom for Peacemaking”.  And this blog is inspired by his insight from the story of a woman in the Bible who is probably familiar to us.  But he inspired me to dig deeper because of the huge, in fact, “key” concept he illustrated.

The biblical book of John, chapter 8, recites the tale of teachers of the law and Pharisees interacting with Jesus.  Who were these people?  I know, I often need to take a minute to remember, myself.  

The “teachers of the law” are also called “scribes” and sometimes “lawyers” – you get a sense of what this group of people did:   they maintained and taught the Law.  

What Law?  The Law of Moses as written and the Torah from the Old Testament which was largely oral law that depended on interpretation.  And guess who got to do the “interpreting”?  Yep, the scribes and teachers of the law. 

And then there were the Pharisees, who we look at rather negatively today.  But in biblical times, they ensured the Old Testament was carefully preserved by emphasizing the oral tradition believed to have been handed from God to Moses along with the Torah (including the entirety of Old Testament Jewish laws and traditions).  

Interestingly, the New Testament authors portray the Pharisees as legalistic and hypocritical – and we get that from stories of their confrontations with Jesus and the early Christians.  But historically, they played an integral role in giving us both the written record and the oral tradition of the law.

So I try to think about who would fit the description of these groups in today’s world – let me just summarize it with saying “people who are well-educated in the biblical history, rules and laws”.  Hmmm…how would I describe myself?  Just pondering this….especially since I am a lawyer.

You can decide who fits this description in your world and your perspective.  But this story has application to everyone who has heard the gospel, educated in scripture or biblical law or not.

Just for clarity – here is a quick summary of the biblical story from the scripture itself:

The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery.  They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.  In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women.  Now what do you say?”  They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.”

So let’s take a look at the story using Brian’s lens along with a little bit of historical context.  I must admit I had missed a few points:

  • As Brian notes “I guarantee if you were to catch a woman in adultery, you would have caught the man at the same time.”  So, where was the man?  Why was only the woman brought to Jesus?  As the scripture notes, she was caught and brought to Jesus so they could catch Jesus in a trap and charge him – she was being used as bait.  It was a staged confrontation.
  • For the same reason, the presence and identity of the woman didn’t need to be revealed.  They could have asked this as a hypothetical or kept her separate in another room, her identity shielded.  Kind of negates any claim they might make that they caught her for the purpose of restoring her, right?
  • And the law?  Here’s the deal – the Romans didn’t allow the Jews (Jesus and the rest of this group were Jews) to carry out death sentences.  So, if Jesus followed the law of Moses as they stated it – stone such women—they could claim he was in conflict with the Roman law.  But if he said not to stone her, he could have been accused of being unsupportive of the Law of Moses.  Clearly, a trap was being laid.
  • Additional interesting “law” info – these accusers altered the law a little – the manner of execution was not prescribed unless the woman was a betrothed virgin.  AND – catch this – the law required the execution of both parties, not just the woman.  Yeah, where was the man?  Who let him go?

Then Jesus made a humbling statement:  the one without sin should throw the first stone.  It is an interesting scene the scripture paints – Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.  No one knows what he was writing – lots of speculation about this but we don’t know.  

And they kept on questioning him so that was when he straightened up and said to them “If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”  Then he stooped down and wrote on the ground some more.  

I have heard speculation that perhaps his writing was a list of sins – ones these men would recognize.  But no scholar has come up with any definitive way to know.  Jesus left us to wonder about this, but his “key” point was clearly made as the crowd reacted to what he said.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.

The most beautiful moment ever comes next – Jesus asks her, “Woman, where are they?  Has no one condemned you?”  She answers in the negative and Jesus responds, “Then neither do I condemn you….Go now and leave your life of sin.”

As Brian notes in his devotional, each hypocritical, disingenuous stoner left.  Only Jesus and the woman remained.

The “key”?  I pull this straight from Brian – “Have you noticed others in sinful patterns?  What was your response?  Your attitude?”  

What Brian adds next is something I will be putting in my mental notes for every conflict I handle from here on out:

A key to healthy relationships is to humbly acknowledge and confess your own sin, instead of pointing fingers and exposing the sin of others.

It is the thing that keeps stuck mediations stuck – that keeps broken relationships broken – that keeps apologies and forgiveness from being experienced by people who truly need them.

Being humble – Proverbs 15:33 says it well – “The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor.”  The humility needed to see one’s own fault first, no matter how slight, is the “key”.For more on the “humble” issue, see my prior blog HERE

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