Do you think that you have ‘told’ your kids, grandkids, nieces or nephews the stories of your life through the years – the stories of their lives and yours intersecting — albeit in a here-and-there spacing of the telling? Do you think that once you ‘told’ them, whether in a story or just as a set of facts, they really remember? And remember it correctly?
I’m here to solemnly swear to you, you would be deceiving yourself. The answer is “no” they either don’t remember or don’t remember correctly (and I am talking about the major points).
My 50-year-old son just texted the other day asking which of the 2 hospitals in his birth city was the one where he was born. Seriously. Yes, I have told him. More than once. We lived in the town for several years after his birth and he visited the Emergency Room of that hospital at least a couple of times later as a young boy – it was the hospital just down the street from us.
And yes, the telling included stories of his being induced too quickly, the Pitocin method they no longer use, and that he came so fast there were repercussions in his vital signs so they kept him from me until the pediatrician arrived – which scared me to no end. Pediatricians don’t show up at births! Oh, yeah, and his father barely made it in time – and it is not that big a town. And oh yeah, the delivery doc had left for his vacation – thanks to the Pitocin acting so quickly, and the pediatrician was pretty upset with him. Shared all of this multiple times – I g-u-a-r-a-n-t-e-e!
So I answered my son’s text and he responded with something about just not remembering correctly.
My point proven, yet again.
I think of my friend who had received a diagnosis of cancer and, along with shedding tears with her, I camped on her big time about doing her Life Story photobook. She had attended retreats with me, knew the digital scrapbooking tools, and yet…. She breezed by the 6 month life-span they gave her – actually made it 3 years, although the last year was terribly hard. And as her family and I sat with her in hospice the last 10 days, I was scouring her computer (because I knew the program where her work was stored) and I wrote in the attached description space for photos as much about the ancestor pictures as her daughters and brother could share. My friend had no ability to participate in our discussions or answer questions at this point. She was deep in morphine relaxation.
But I kept searching beyond her photos to writings. I found on an external hard drive a piece of her Life Story she wrote in the first year after her diagnosis. It was titled “My Story” with a subtitle of “Chapter One” and then a beautiful three and a half page typed story. It covered not only her immediate responses to the diagnosis but an amazing faith event in the hospital when God showed up to assure her of His love via a hawk floating back and forth outside her window. To her the hawk was “a messenger from God” which appeared when she needed “strength and encouragement, and guidance to keep moving forward, but this hawk was more than just a messenger.”
She felt transported to another place and time for a story “to be told” to her by her “heavenly father” – her spirit “knew God was here.” Her words bring tears to my eyes as I read her story again and write this. They were beautiful thoughts and descriptions as she shared how she was “stunned by God’s love for her and overwhelming awe and gratitude that He cares so much for ME.” Over the next few days, she said she saw the hawk three times. She ends the story describing how it felt to have this “encounter with God” and mentioning that it was God who knows how her story ends and that gave her a “place to rest.”
As I read this on her computer, I remembered her sharing the incident with me and the prompting she got when she saw a beautiful poster with a hawk, wings spread wide. She bought the poster and put it up in her office showing it to me as she shared the significance of the events that occurred in the hospital.
And now, she is unable to write more, to record more, to share more. But thankfully, this same “Chapter One” she wrote contained a beautiful and heartfelt description of each of her three daughters as they received and responded to her diagnosis of cancer. She was able to let each of them know via this written memory of their special qualities just how much she loved them.
This written piece was a blessing to her grown children as they learned of it upon her passing into Heaven. They used it in her services and found a bit of insight in a tangible way to their mom that they were so glad to have and hang on to. The daughters had an outline drawing made of a hawk which they embraced and had tattooed on their wrists. It also is engraved on her headstone thanks to contributions from us, her scrapbooking friends.
Do they yearn for more about their mom? And her memories of their ancestors? Of course.
Did I push as hard as I possibly could this dear friend to “get your Life Story done”? Of course.
In fact, I even attempted to turn the tables on her. Around 2005, she was doing some teaching in small groups that I attended. One was based on Dan Allender’s book To Be Told: Know Your Story, Shape Your Future. As we went through the chapters over the weeks of meeting, we, as well as my friend, wrote our personal stories as directed and, at our discretion, shared them.
I told my friend that I faithfully wrote away as she directed, so it is her turn to do the same. Yes, she agreed, and laughed along with me at my “guilting” her in the quid pro quo play. I pray we find more of the ones she wrote – so far, we have not.
The promo of the book To Be Told is a verification of the depth of my feeling about the importance of telling our stories. Of course, Dan Allender gives it an even more interesting twist. Here’s some of the description provided for his book.
“Would you willingly overlook clear direction from God that speaks directly to you and where you are in life right now?
God’s guidance is near at hand. He is not only your Authority, he is also your Author. As God writes the stories of your life, he uses your past to open up your future.
It is your privilege to listen to your own story so you can live boldly for the sake of the Greatest Story, the good news of Jesus Christ. God reveals himself to you—and to others—through the story he has written in your life. In this insightful and compelling book, Dr. Dan B. Allender shows you how to read the stories of your life. He helps you understand the meaning that God has written into every detail of who you are. As a result, you can share your story with others and listen to their story, revealing unique aspects of God’s hand at work.”
I will end this “guilt trip” (oh, yes, I am coming after YOU) with one of the quotes in Allender’s books that I love – and pray it gives you something to think about that goes a little deeper than just preserving your story. You might want to get his book and work it through yourself! (yes, you might end up with your life story getting written in this unique way)
The following is a quote from Eliza Calvert Hall’s Aunt Jane of Kentucky:
“Did you ever think, child…how much piecin’ a quilt’s like livin’ a life?…. You see, you start out with jest so much caliker; you don’t go to the store and pick it out and buy it, but the neighbors will give you a piece here and a piece there, and you’ll have a piece left every time you cut out a dress, and you take jest what happens to come. And that’s like predestination. But when it comes to the cuttin’ out, why, you’re free to choose your own pattern. You can give the same kind o’ pieces to two persons, and one’ll make a “nine-patch” and one’ll make a “wild-goose chase,” and there’ll be two quilts made out o’ the same kind o’ pieces, and jest as different as they can be. And that is jest the way with livin’. The Lord sends us the pieces, but we can cut ‘em out and put ‘em together pretty much to suit ourselves, and there’s a heap more in the cuttin’ out and the sewin’ than there is in the caliker.”
Let me know how I can help you cuttin’ out and sewin’ your Life Quilt!
P.S. “caliker” refers to the reused cloth in a quilt and is vernacular unique to Kentucky
