Remember hearing about the “Golden Rule”? Seems parents and school teachers in my day used it a lot, generally quoted like this:
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
When I checked the phrase on the internet, I found this info: “it is closely associated with Christian ethics though its origins go further back and graces Asian culture as well.” Really?
I was a bit surprised because I have always associated it with biblical scripture. Checking further I found they dated the “Asian” influence as around 551-479 BC. But the most encouraging info I found was that the concept of this Golden Rule appears “prominently in Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, Taoism, Zoroastrianism and ‘the rest of the world’s major religions’”. (from 2 sources – Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy and Wikipedia)
That pretty well affirms that there is some real “truth and wisdom” in this concept, in my opinion. Just sayin’.
Take a look at the scriptures most directly pointing to this ‘rule’:
“And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.” Luke 6:31 (just had to give you the King James version — the one I memorized in my youth)
“Do to others as you would have them do to you.” Luke 6:31 NIV
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12 NIV
“Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” Romans 13:10 NIV
“The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Galatians 6:8 NIV
“’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37 NIV
OK, I heard that mumbling about those being New Testament, so here’s an Old Testament scripture for you:
“Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:18 NIV (Note: Most likely thought to have been written by Moses in the early 1400’s BC.)
I can just hear my grandmother’s voice commenting “Isn’t that nice?” Of course – I want everyone to treat me with lots of grace and huge heaps of forgiveness. But this “nice” little scripture rule says I must do the same to them. In theory – I get it. In practice – ugh!
I have been involved in Christian mediation work since 1996 – and yes, I have given myself lots of practice opportunities in my own life. So I can say with lots of experience that the most difficult mountain we have to climb in reconciliation work is getting our own attitude in line with this golden rule. Why?
The book of James in chapter 4 outlines the core of where we start and spend much of our time in Christian mediation work. Here’s how he puts it –
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
Wait a minute! Where’s the “other guy” in there? The one who irritated me, treated me badly, was the problem here? What do you mean ‘he’s not in there’?
And yes, the bulk of the mediation time is spent in each party explaining, illustrating and documenting how it is all the other person’s fault/problem/creation. And their own part is miniscule, if existent at all.
You think I am overstating it? Trust me, it is amazing what shows up when we are hurt and wanting to lash out at the same level. Yes, I even had a family mediation where the father tried to make a case for “love your neighbor as yourself” not referencing family members but just neighbors and strangers. Seriously?
What excuses pop up? “I can’t help it” – “I can’t forgive because they’ll do it again” – “You don’t know how awful they treated me”.
What has to happen? Plain and simple – a change in attitude and perspective on the situation. Sometimes it happens quickly when one person hears from the other how they were harmed and truly gets it and apologizes. That can start the ball rolling toward righting the attitudes.
Sin causes us to be self-centered and shifts our hearts from God to self. That is what the passage in James points out. We WANT something and don’t get it and we go ballistic. But as Henry Blackaby has said — “the essence of salvation is an about-face from self-centeredness to God-centeredness.” Our greatest temptation is to affirm ourselves and our behavior.
It is not until we recognize and own that we are sinful human beings that we can have the attitude that will allow us to follow God’s rule. The secular world who may accept the Golden Rule, but may not accept sinfulness, can still understand not being perfect.
What I found was that usually we had to get away from the specifics of the “harmful situation” that broke the relationship and help people see their own behaviors in the light of God’s perspective. When the mediators can help someone remember and recognize (again) that God forgave them when they did not deserve it, when they were sinfully behaving humans, over and over, the proper attitude often comes into place for that person.
Unfortunately, there are times when folks just can’t get to that point of recognition. We have to trust God in those times. He can still work in different ways and with different timing.
As Blackaby says, few things are more precious to receive than forgiveness. Jesus warned us that we should expect forgiveness from God in the same way as we forgive those who sin against us (Matthew 6:15). That truly turns our perspective around to be more in alignment with Him. We stop thinking of ourselves more highly than we ought (Romans 12:3).
And that opens the door to realizing that we were hugely forgiven and it continues. Therefore, we have no biblical excuse for continuing in our unforgiveness. If God can forgive our most relentless enemy, we can do nothing less if we value being forgiven ourselves.
I cannot fully convey the joy it is to walk alongside those who do get to forgiveness and receive forgiveness themselves in the mediation meetings. It has been a privilege to be present observing God tenderizing hearts, bringing His children into the attitude and behaviors that glorify Him, and seeing restoration of relationships. Watching people becoming more like Christ in the process is a gift I will treasure forever.
Oh yeah, someone will be a turkey to me somewhere along the way and up pops that “attitude” that does not fit the Golden Rule / second commandment. And it will take some scripture reading and attitude adjusting for me to get to forgiveness – but He has taught me the road I need to travel to do that. And I will get there – I promise!
How do you treat those with whom you have a relationship? Most of us hope others will understand we all make mistakes, but we become self-righteous when others sin against us. The key is remembering how much God has forgiven you. Then, when anyone sins against you, you can offer grace like God does. (from Brian Noble’s Daily Wisdom for Peacemaking)
How about you? Do you need some help in finding the path to travel in a broken relationship or situation? You can set a time to connect with me HERE.
And may you experience this scripture of praise – “you keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3
