Seriously – who comes first? Is it me or you?
Trust me, I know many of us are instantly hearing the worldly thinking so prevalent today which encourages us to live our own life and take care of our own needs and wants first.
If you doubt me on this, just search online for “take care of yourself first” and see how many quotes, articles, videos you will see. Even “How to Put Yourself First Without Feeling Guilty” popped up.
The most popular illustration is to put your oxygen mask on first so you can help others – think that through and it really is still primarily outlined as other-focused: like grabbing a tool or a fire extinguisher to run help another person. Your first thought and goal is to help that other person, right? But so many of the ‘self-care first’ theories are much more focused on self. And send us in a very self-indulgent direction.
Henry Blackaby’s devotional on this was pretty blunt: As a Christian you are obliged to view your actions in light of how they will affect other Christians. We are to consider God’s activity in the lives of others – even when it goes contrary to worldly thinking.
Applicable scripture? “No one should seek his own good, but the good of the other person.” (1 Corinthians 10:24)
Don’t skip that word “seek” as that was what struck me as important. What is my focus? What is the goal of my actions? Where is my heart?
Blackaby does explain this a bit further – and I truly see his logic in this. He talks about sin which promotes independence. And what gets us in trouble with actually following the Lord’s ways? Sure – our independence – I can do this MY way. It isolates us from others and separates us from those we could help or even could be an encouragement to us, says Blackaby. God designed us for INTERdependence.
And His plan for us is the true “dependence” upon Him.
Boy, did he paint a picture of this that really stuck with me! He said that whenever we meet another Christian, we come face to face with Christ. I never thought of it that way. Very personal.
Jesus is the one who pointed this out –“I tell you the truth, whoever accepts anyone I send accepts me; and whoever accepts me accepts the one who sent me.” (John 13:20)
Now, it comes to my mind that I don’t know who is and is not a Christian right off the bat! And some may never really be revealed to me as a Christian. So what about that?
Certainly, as a Christian, we know that our first loyalty is to the Lord and his directive to us is to share the gospel. So I am certain that the way I behave, and whether or not I am seeking my own good first above and beyond another person’s good is evident to those watching.
“Preach the gospel at all times. And if necessary, use words” is a saying attributed to St. Francis of Assisi. And we know he wrote these words – “All the friars…should preach by their deeds”, so he certainly held this principle to be an important one.
As I dug into the devotional further, it seemed that Blackaby was making the point that we have a special relationship with other Christians –
“Do not live as if you have no responsibility toward your Christian brothers or sisters. God holds you accountable for how you relate to them. Don’t revel in your ‘freedom in Christ’ to the point that you neglect your responsibility toward others.” (Blackaby points to Romans 14:15)
I get that point – as a Christian, coming into contact with another Christian (when I know that piece of information) gives me not only a feeling of bonding, but it brings a whole different set of relationship responsibilities.
So, I ask, how does that scripture of seeking the good of the other person apply if it is either unknown that the other is a Christian or it is clear they are not?
I jump to a scripture often used when we are in a mediation –
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God – even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1
Three ladies come to mind – Nat, Ruth and LoAnn. Ruth was a nurse at a school where LoAnn was a teacher. They became good friends and neither was married so they hung out together often. Ruth introduced LoAnn to Christ and to her church. They decided to move in together and share expenses.
Later, they became acquainted with Nat – a nurse missionary who served years in Thailand. She had had a rough experience and returned to the U.S. with a broken spirit and empty bank account. Ruth and LoAnn took her in.
Long story short –these three ladies lived together for the rest of their lives (which I think may have been around 40-50 years after Nat came on board). Eventually, they went to a retirement village that had all the transition accommodations they felt they would need.
I cannot begin to recount for you what devout Christians they were, solid congregants in their church; and how many friends they met and encouraged in their circles,; and how many ministries and individuals they supported along the way.
I knew them as acquaintances until I was called into action as their Trustee – Nat was mid-80’s and LoAnn and Ruth were early 90’s. I began to know them as the beautiful souls they were – and I began to see how many lives they had touched. But especially, I saw how they put each other first.
After I transitioned them into the skilled level of housing, I was contacted by a man in Texas who wanted to talk with his “special mamas”. They met him on a safari in Africa where he was a baggage handler on the hotel staff. They supported him through schooling and friendship over the following years – he is now running a ministry in Texas and gives them full credit for their support to get him to that point. That is just one of the many stories.
They always were respectful and thinking of each other first. Best illustration ever – as I had moved them into assisted living and it was clear skilled living would soon be required, I had to talk to them about “end times”. I found deeds to 2 burial plots and asked them how they wanted things handled.
Nat immediately said she didn’t have a plot. Ruth said she could have hers because she would just be cremated and have her ashes scattered along the Colorado trail (she was a hiker). They went back and forth all 3 offering each other the plots and finally deciding cremation was what they each desired. I asked them to let me check into it. Sure enough, the cemetery owners said they could have all 3 in the 2 side-by-side plots – the ladies were thrilled.
The picture you see above is their headstone – one they chose and were pleased that I could get made and in place for them to see. They now are celebrating in heaven together – and I picture them meeting so many of the people they blessed as they put them first during their earthly lives.
I will never forget the grace and friendship I witnessed among them in the years I was honored to be with them – never a harsh word, a spat or unkindness. They held each other’s hands in the skilled living quarters when each of them was leaving this earth.
What they were seeking was always the best for each other – and what they received was a joy of living together which so many of us would love to have.
As Blackaby wraps it up, he says we have a responsibility to live in such a way that we do not hurt others. And here is the truth of the matter – we will need to deny ourselves and allow the Holy Spirit to put to death our natural inclination to be self-centered. As long as we focus on ourselves, we will be oblivious to the needs of others (Christian or non-Christian).
I am struck by his call to action – and will take it to heart. Ruth, LoAnn and Nat were my great examples reflecting this way of living. He says to ask God to free you from selfishness so that your life is free to bless others.
What if we spent the end of just one full day checking back over our focus throughout the day? How many times is it on “me”? How many times is it on “others”? I am trying to get up the courage to do just that – let me know how it goes for you!
